The Secret Weapons of Patience & Praise (mixed with Love!)

It's true.  

Patience and Praise are like secret weapons when it comes to working changes for good over the hearts of others. They are especially powerful when others seem to deserve them least! 

I believe most of us don't use them or forget to use them because it sounds just too simple. Here is an INSPIRING story that was presented by my dear friend, Melissa, at the recent LDSEHE Conference. My husband and I are long-time friends of Shawn and Melissa and can vouch for their wonderful characters!

"My good husband has a natural gift of seeing the good in others. He has an amazing heart, an eternal perspective and more patience than all of us in this room combined. When we were first married we were called to be the Sunday School teachers for the 14 and 15 year olds in a family ward near BYU. People literally gave us their condolences and wished us good luck and safety. I was a little worried." 

"One lady came up to us and told us we would not last long in that class because the kids were just terrible, and especially this one boy named Troy. Well, they were all right. This class was awful, especially Troy. He was belligerent, rude, disrespectful, and just plain terrible. I had never seen anyone like him in my life! Later he told us that his goal was to do whatever he could to make us hate him, and let me tell you, he was very skilled in his approach. Many times I wanted to snatch him right out of the class and let him have a good southern talking to!" 

"I remember one time right in the middle of the lesson Troy started building a tower out of the chairs. I wanted to tell him to stop, but my husband just stood there quietly and watched him. Then when Troy was finished, Shawn proceeded to tell him what a wonderful tower he had built, and how it was structurally sound, and that he was really smart to know how to do it that well. And he threw in a few engineering terms and made Troy look like this amazingly talented kid and had the other students admire his work. That definitely would not have been my approach to this situation, but this is how every single class was on Sundays. Shawn never let me reprimand him or pull him out of the class. He just kept loving him and finding anything good he could about Troy."

"After a while, Troy stopped doing those awful things, and he changed, and he loved Shawn. We moved away within that year, but we got a call one day from Troy asking us if we would come to his mission farewell, which was a miracle in itself. And he told us that when we were his teachers he had tried so hard to make us hate him, but no matter what he did, we just showered on more love. And no one had ever treated him that way before and it had changed his life."

We have seen patience and praise work in our family countless times when we gather for family prayer.  If we can find one person even half-way kneeling and then point it out by saying, "I see 'so in so' is kneeling and being very reverent," within seconds everyone will be ready for the prayer.  It seems to even work with teens, which is really quite amazing.

So don't forget to use "the Secret Weapons" daily in your family!

Bless & Love with Your Thoughts

I've been listening to "The Love Revolution" by Joyce Meyer on audio book over the past few weeks here and there while working around my home or driving in the car.  It's one of those books I feel I need to listen to several times as it's message is profound! (I've also been having other members of my family listen.)

This is a short excerpt I heard a couple of days ago:

"A woman shared this story to show the power of thoughts:

'During Christmas I moved a fig tree upstairs to the bedroom to make room for the Christmas tree. It had a small branch with about a dozen leaves on it down below the rest of the branches. It didn't look right, ruining the shape of the tree.

When I would wake up in the morning I'd see that tree in the window and think, I'm going to cut that branch off. Every time I passed that tree I'd think, That branch doesn't look right, I'm going to get rid of it.

Time went by. The tree was moved back to the living room. I continued to think a negative thought each time I noticed it. All total this lasted about a month and a half.

One morning I walked by the tree and every leaf on that little branch was yellow. There was not one other yellow leaf on the whole tree.  I got kind of goose bumpy and told my husband. He looked at me and said, "I'm sure glad you think nice things about me."

I cut that branch off that day!

I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother-in-law. Of course I never thought I had any blame, being so sweet and all. I decided this was worth an experiment. Every time I thought about my mother-in-law I determined to bless her, to go out of my way to think about her and bless her!

She seldom calls me or has interest in chatting with me. But within five days she had called me three times--just for a moment, but they were friendly calls! She hadn't called me more than six times the whole last year."

This woman ordered my teaching series on the power of thoughts and said, "I watch what I think about other people now.'

We think countless thoughts about other people, but we should do it more responsibly. I believe thoughts work in the spiritual realm, and although they cannot be seen with the naked eye, I do believe our thoughts are felt by other people. Just as the fig tree was negatively affected by the woman's negative thoughts, I believe people are affected by our thoughts.

What we think about people not only affects them, it also affects the way we treat them when we are around them. If I think secretly about how much I don't like someone and mentally go over all the faults I believe they have, when I see them I treat them according to the image I have formed in my mind."

Think about how all our relationships would improve if we would seek to bless people with our thoughts, especially those we have been the most critical of in our minds.  A powerful lesson here!

A Joyful Mother of Many Children (LDSEHE basic talk outline + Distance Ed. Thoughts)

Happy & Relaxed 

My daughter put together this puzzle and gave it to me for my birthday last year and it hangs on the wall in my bedroom.  The content and relaxed mother in this picture is the goal, my ideal.  But we mother's of many or even a few young children know it really can "be a puzzle" to figure out how to get there!  (This end goal is also the purpose of my six strategies post.)

Going in Circles

Home-schooling with young children and babies can sometimes make us feel like all we are doing is “going in circles”. I called up my husband who was home in North Carolina caring for my four younger children while I was at the LDSHE conference with my baby and older children. When I asked him what he was up to he replied: “I’m going in circles.” I said, “Hmmm…sooo you’re getting a truly great Mr. Mom experience already?” He calmly responded: “No, I really am going in circles…I’m on a merry-go round at the park with the kids!” :)

Truth Sets Us Free

In spite of the obvious challenges of raising a family, I will be eternally indebted to a couple of religion professors at Brigham Young University who plainly taught the teachings of the prophets regarding having children and the importance of family.  We took their words purely by faith early on in our childbearing years, but that faith has turned into a knowledge that children are truly the greatest gift Heavenly Father can bestow upon us next to Eternal Life.  And through this amazing process we are being molded, shaped and hopefully becoming more holy by the grace of our Heavenly Father by our families! A more refined character can be the fruit of humbly raising children.

"If only I had known,,,"

Most people in our “sophisticated” society don’t understand the blessing and power of righteous family life.  And way too many people have suffered great pain and sorrow because of extreme selfishness of other family members. But some people, especially good women in the world, are gradually beginning to wake-up and realize what they have missed.

I met one of these women while attending a business conference with my husband on a rare get-a-way trip to San Diego a number of years ago. We had my nursing baby along with us, of course, and a very kind business woman would dote at my baby at breakfast or in the hallways of the hotel and likely thought this was our only child. I learned that she had a two year old son and was in her early forties, now divorced. One morning at breakfast she confessed that, “If only I knew, when I was younger, what I know now, I would have started early having children and just kept on having them until I could no longer have them anymore!"  In amazement I told her that this baby was my seventh and that’s pretty much what I’ve done!  She just looked at me in amazement and was completely speechless. :)  I mention this for those of you down in the trenches, so to speak, with lots of little ones.  Know that you are the envy of some, perhaps many if the truth be told, professional women out there in the world!

But how do you do this?!

We don’t do this without God, at least not successfully! The Lord is responsible for any and all successes our family will have.  All good things come from God! The more we can step back and put Christ at the helm of our lives and let go of our own pre-conceived notions, the more success we will experience. I testify to that.

Below are additional notes of comments I made while going over the “Six Strategies for Sanity" (see full post!) at the LDSEHE Conference.

1. Spiritual Oxygen

Mental challenges often seem greater than the physical, especially potential feelings of isolation and loneliness at times.

Giving up lots of reading and study time has also been a very challenging thing for me as I add new babies to our home, (as well as for most other home-educating mom's that I know), but I’ve learned that we are taught valuable lessons by doing too!  A real revelation...:)  Raising a large family has tons of opportunities for DOING! We learn by study AND by FAITH! That means doing things that take faith in our life!


(And thank goodness for ipods, iphones and easy downloads of scriptures, conference talks and great audio books!)


I've discovered that reading the scriptures (esp. The Book of Mormon) with my children nourishes my spirit tremendously.  What a blessing to accomplish several important things at the same time: teaching reading, teaching gospel principles to children, and learning new things, through the Spirit, myself!

2. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness (Ok, so at least we try!)/Work for Order and Guard your Family: We do like the "Food Nanny Rescues Dinner" book and have used a lot of her recipes (esp. my 11 yr. old daughter) but many of her recipes are more complex than I prefer.  I love the theme night idea because sometimes I just don't want to use any more creative brain energy to think about what to make. If I know a theme for that day it takes much less creative effort. For example: If it's "stir-fry" night I steam some rice in my rice cooker, chop a few different vegetables and add some chicken from my freezer, or whatever I find in my freezer. Of course we usually season this with a little garlic and onions in a small amount of oil before adding the veggies, as well as sometimes add other healthy seasonings. If it's "Italian night" we can make spaghetti, lasagna, or noodles with a garlic/parmesan white sauce, etc.  "Mexican Night" could be bean burritos, taco salad, tacos, enchiladas, etc.  
(See the Six Strategies post for more info on this point #2.)

3. Use Self-Educating Curriculums or methods
It's important to have consistent goal setting sessions and just "checking in" on a consistent basis with each individual child.  The frequency will depend on the age and individual needs.  I just created a "Mom's Meeting Book" with a tab for each child.  When I meet with my children I am looking for ways I can best help them reach personal goals or perhaps help them with setting goals if they don't know quite what they are yet.  Just use common sense and treat your children the way you would have liked to be treated at their age.  Each personality is so unique and we have the great opportunity to guide them in a way that best fits them. Use the spirit and you will know what to do in helping inspire them and guide them down a great educational path!  Not even an expensive private school can do this as well as a loving, patient parent. How often you meet with them depends also on the age of the children. Interestingly, my older children feel the need to have these meeting more frequently than my younger children.


We also create charts where we can see our book list and the names of the children (we've added a TJed booklist recently).  They put either a mark or small sticker next to each book that they finish reading so we can see "at a glance" where everyone is. They track their math "error rate" on graph paper so we can see how their doing quickly, but mainly to motivate them to work carefully.  


A new book discovery that I highly recommend: "100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum: Choosing the Right Curriculum and Approach for Your Child's Learning Style" by Cathy Duffy
I love the principles of this author! She comes from a Christian perspective but is not overbearing and really gives great guidance in understanding yourself and your children as it pertains to home education. Excellent!!!


The only drawback we have seen with distance classes is the extra time it takes to watch and then do the homework. (We're spoiled as we are used to doing things very efficiently and quickly.) Another challenge could be if you're on a very tight budget, but that said, it can be worth real sacrifice if this is how your child will respond best. (K-12)


My oldest two children watched History, Science and English for many years through Liahona Academy.  They loved the History teacher, Brent DeGraff, the English teacher, Sister Wilburn is very good, and we were SO disappointed when the Science teacher, Richard Rush, retired.  Liahona doesn't officially start with students till around the fifth or sixth grade.  My oldest son started watching in the third grade when I started his fifth grade sister, Kristine.  He has told me more than once that the Liahona teacher's have positively affected his "thinking".  These two oldest children did not do Liahona on an accredited track so it was very low stress.  Quite a few years later, after starting the Liahona program, I enrolled my son in a couple classes outside the home, mainly because I was having difficulty motivating him to do his math.  I figured as long as I'm putting him in a couple classes I might as well add some other children, and after that we really struggled with making time to watch Liahona.  I realize now a much better solution would have been to have a tutor come in and work with my son either once or twice a week with math.  It would have been much less expensive and less stressful than what I ended up doing! Not only that, better educations for all would have resulted! (I don't recall prayerfully considering all those choices that year as I think I just felt desperate--never a good place to be when making decisions of any sort!)


I tried again several years later with my third and fourth children, but I must have been feeling quite over-confident while planning as I not only over-scheduled, I failed to go to my Heavenly Father in humble prayer again before making each commitment (hence point 4 below!)  We signed up for the Liahona full accredited track  (3 classes) and a new Science teacher went crazy with homework assignments.  These daughters were also doing French, piano and regular church activities outside the home and it was way too much added all together. We all burned out after one semester! (Liahona let that teacher go after that one semester, so I don't think we were the only people to drop!)

Please seriously consider Liahona, however, as it is the best teaching you will find (and its even LDS) which will give you greater chances for success.  But also consider not doing the accredited track and just enjoying the classes! :-)

4. Outside Activities: Less is More

I'm still looking for the scripture that states we need to sign up our children in multiple various outside activities.  Yes, I believe in developing talents, but we must KNOW or at least feel strongly that it is Heavenly Father's will before making regular commitments of our time and resources. (Will write later about oldest son's recent music experience.  Amazing!)

5. Know Your Personality Strengths and Weaknesses & Work to Improve.
Having the spirit is the most important thing to bring out the best in each of us, but we can still study and work to improve certain personality traits.  Much of our life is determined by the the decisions other people make about us.  It helps a great deal to simply be "likable".  Joseph in Egypt (from the Old Testament) is a great example of this as well as many others in the scriptures/Latter-day prophets.  

6. You’ve only got one body. Take care of it.
I love to go walking outside with my children and push my youngest two in the jogger stroller. 


 My experience has been that pregnancy can make your body even stronger IF you will give your body the nutrients it needs. That's a big "if" and we focus a lot of energy on striving to eat as healthy as we can (most of the time) and good supplements make a very big difference for me personally.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

It’s impossible, truly impossible, for us to look at our families and not think, with the help of my Heavenly Father, we have done/are doing something great with our life. Each child is such a miracle! 

Attitude is everything. We’re not any different or more amazing than any other woman out there.  But we happen to know true joy comes in "losing our life" by building up and nurturing others, not in building up ourselves or "finding our life". That is what the Lord Jesus Christ did. We serve “the least of these” because we love and in turn we are directly serving the Lord.  We become refined and purified as we turn our whole heart and mind to the Lord. Our better character is the fruit of this entire, often stretching, process called motherhood!

"Quick & Powerful" Tools: Change your Thoughts, Change your Life!

Think of the difference in wet cement vs. solid, firm cement when you think of your mind.  


We must use the truth daily to keep our minds firm. Work to "set" your mind firmly on the higher things of life. 


The results can be astounding and are in direct proportion to the degree of mental self-discipline we exercise.  Our "natural" (Mosiah 3 ) emotions/feelings are "fickle" and will often change for the worst just when we need positive feelings the most! They are often determined by such variables as sleep, food, other people's moods, "that time of the month", our state of health, etc. Do you want your life's destiny to be at the mercy of things so unpredictable, undependable and vulnerable?! 

Start to develop a firm mind by identifying perhaps five of your most frequent negative feelings. (See examples below to get you started!) Choose your favorite opposing scripture verse for each and post them all around your house until you have them memorized. Then choose another five and keep going for a better life for not only you but your entire family.
What a great blessing this will be in your life!  I cannot count how many times I have used Isaiah 40:31(see below) when I "felt" like I was perhaps too tired to serve a need in my home or family. And yet after running the verse through my mind, that "feeling" would dissipate and I could continue on doing what I needed to do with renewed strength and energy. (This doesn't work so well, however, if I consistently choose to stay up late or eat poorly!)
Let us beware to not ever mistake our "natural feelings" for the Spirit of the Lord.  "Emotion" does not always equal a "spiritual experience" but very likely just an "emotional experience" (which hormones can often play a very large role!) We can and must have spiritual feelings, of course, but they will be positive, uplifting, nourishing and sometimes they may even be a warning. But they will be consistent with a peaceful heart and mind. We must learn to distinguish the difference at all times or we may hurt others and also deceive ourselves!

So what are you waiting for? Change you thoughts and change your life.


“Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man [or woman] of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery…”  Helaman 3:29

If you’re feeling overwhelmed:

…The Lord is able to do all things according to his will for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him. Wherefore let us be faithful to him.  ~1 Nephi 7:12


"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God." ~Romans 8:28

If you’re feeling exhausted or fatigued:

“But they that wait upon the Lord [as in serve] shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.”

~Isaiah 40:31

If you’re feeling down or unloved:

"O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever." ~Jacob 3:2

If you’re feeling discouraged:

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.  ~Ether 12:4

If you’re feeling worried or fearful:

“For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” ~2 Timothy 1:7

“O…greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong.” ~Daniel 10:19

If you’re feeling anxious, afraid or impatient:

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” ~Psalm 27:14

If you’re feeling confused or indecisive:

"...feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." ~2 Nephi 32:3

If you’re feeling concerned about the behavior of loved ones:

“It was the faith of Nephi and Lehi that wrought the change upon the Lamanites, that they were baptized with fire and with Holy Ghost.” ~Ether 12:14

If you’re feeling doubtful:

“…Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” ~Ether 12:6

If you’re feeling lazy: 
"[Jesus] went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him."~Acts 10:38

“But wilt though know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead.” ~James 2:20

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."~Mosiah 3:19

If you’re feeling weak, fearful or unconfident:


"...I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear." ~Moroni 8:16


"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, not be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." ~Deuteronomy 31:6

“If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you.” ~Matthew 17:20

If you’re feeling self-pity:

“…all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” ~Doctrine & Covenants 122:7,8

If you’re feeling persecuted or verbally attacked:

“Hearken unto me, ye that know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings." ~Isaiah 51:7

“But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you…” ~3 Nephi 12:44


"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” ~Proverbs 15:1

If you’re feeling impatient with others:

“…If ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail.” ~ Moroni 7:46

"And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life."~Doctrine & Covenants 101:38


If you're feeling tired:


"Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly of heart; for such shall find rest to their souls." ~Alma 37:34


If you're feeling proud:
"...none is acceptable before God save the meek and lowly in heart"~Moroni 7:44


If you're feeling angry:


"And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life."~Doctrine & Covenants 101:38

And why exactly is all of this SO IMPORTANT?!


"...If ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man (or woman), remember, and perish not."~Mosiah 4:30


Happy mind "exercising"!

This is The Goal: Happy & Relaxed!

My daughter, Angela, put this puzzle together and gave it to me for a birthday gift after framing it.  It hangs on my bedroom wall.

The above scene is my goal as a mother.


A sometimes illusive goal, I must say.


But I love the relaxed smile on this mom's face and the body language she conveys as she interacts with her children.  This is a "Joyful Mother of Children"!

"Jesus taught about priorities when he said, 'Seek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.' 

'Seek...first to build up the kingdom of God' means to assign first priority to God and to his work.

The work of God is to bring to pass the eternal life of His children and all that this entails in the birth, nurturing, teaching, and sealing of our Heavenly Father's children.

Everything else is lower in priority."

General Conference Report, Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Here's another great one for us busy mom's and dad's!

"Recreation and diversion are as necessary to our well-being as the more serious pursuits of life. There is not a man in the world what, if kept at any one branch of business or study, will become like a machine. Our pursuits should be so diversified as to develop every trait of character and diversity of talent." 

~Brigham Young

"I REALLY LIVED"

By Sister Marjorie Hinckley

(wife to past President of the church, Gordon B. Hinckley)

I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. 

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk's lawn.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. 

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. 

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.

Strategies for Sanity (or for keeping a Firm Mind & Peaceful Home)

[I've updated #3 recently with self-educating curriculum and resources]

1. Make Your Daily Spiritual/Mental Nourishment #1 Priority: 

Use the Quick & Powerful “tools” every day to train a firm mind to rule over your fickle feelings! (see the "Quick & Powerful" tools.) Post your most needed “tools” around your house & car where you will see them often and memorize! Rotate as needed, but always keep learning!

This is a small card in our powder bathroom.

In the family van!

On the wall near a busy stairway.

Also, spend a minimum of 15 minutes a day in studying the word of God (esp. The Book of Mormon) and writing down your thoughts.  One hour is much more ideal.  It is the spiritual, emotional & mental “air you breath”, and not a selfish luxury. You cannot give to your family what you do not have! Pray for guidance as to the best way to schedule this for YOU!

Start de-junking your mind of negative, critical thoughts (and words) for a much better mother for your children. Humble, sincere gospel study produces “higher” thoughts.

Also learn to nourish yourself while "feeding" your children spiritual and academic knowledge by teaching reading with "Learning to Read Using the Book of Mormon" by Camille Funk (or by purchasing the extra-large print version of The Book of Mormon). I have experienced miracles by patiently doing this! I was sure my son had dyslexia after trying several different phonics programs and also drilling with flash cards repeatedly. But progress was finally made after simply consistently reading The Book of Mormon with him. What a blessing!

"Pondering a passage of scripture can be a key to unlock revelation and the guidance and inspiration of the Holy Ghost. Scriptures can calm an agitated soul, giving peace, hope, and a restoration of confidence in one’s ability to overcome the challenges of life. They have potent power to heal emotional challenges when there is faith in the Savior. They can accelerate physical healing." Richard G. Scott

2. Work for Physical Order & Guard Your Family:

These baskets make all the difference when cleaning out any needed area in your home!  I slipped the colored paper into sheet protectors (after writing titles) and used packing tape to attach to the baskets.  I left the open sheet protector side open so the titles can be easily changed for different types of organizing projects.  We just stack them inside each other and keep them in a closet when not being used (we have separate baskets for actual laundry.)

Get everyone to pitch in and work to bring physical order to your home. They'll be much happier souls without a doubt! But unless you've been one of those wonderfully consistent parents you may need to put up with a little or perhaps a lot of initial grumbling!

Fairness seems to rule at my house and I've been amazed at how this simple “Paper-Plate Wheel Rotation System” keeps my house from falling apart! Some wheels we rotate MONTHLY like "buddies" and "laundry helper".  Other wheels we rotate WEEKLY like the various kitchen jobs, garbage and pet jobs. This is especially helpful for the more time-consuming or less desirable jobs around the house. My children know everyone gets their fair turn and as a result there is little if any complaining and MUCH more compliance. Ahhh, I love it! This simple, inexpensive solution can be changed easily with the seasons or with changes in children's abilities or free time available. (i.e. we have "bring in wood" instead of "water garden" in the winter.)   I've tried countless systems and methods, but S-I-M-P-L-E spells S-U-C-C-E-S-S in my book! 

Paper-plate Rotating System (those are large tacks in the center because I couldn't find those "clasp things" at a store close by!)

Your children will be blessed with greater abilities, confidence and a feeling of being needed in the family as you have them be a part of your "team". All of this equals a happier, more balanced young person!

We have a chosen a "theme" for each day of the week to simplify meal planning.  (This is a small magnetic pad I got from the "dollar" section somewhere.) You can be as flexible as you wish, but general consistency helps!

Give Family Meal Time VERY high priority. 

Researchers at the U. of Minnesota “found that families that dine together tend to have healthier, more well-adjusted children. Their studies indicate that the more often children and teens eat with their parents—the happier, more structured these mealtimes are—the more the children gain these benefits: 


Better nutrition

Better language and literacy

Fewer eating disorders

Fewer risky behaviors

Columbia University found teens who have fewer than three family dinners per week are: 2½ times likelier to smoke cigarettes, more than 1½ time likelier to drink alcohol, almost three times likelier to try marijuana.

“I think you can’t put a price on the smells and chemistry that permeate the home at the dinner hour. This is what everyone wants in their home. Harmony and peace and love abound in a house where dinner is being cooked and served.” ~Liz Edmunds, The Food Nanny Rescues Dinner

We use "Screen Time" (found in your iPhone settings) on all phones and Ipads. We don't permit internet surfing while alone. We also keep our Apple TV put away until school and work are done to reduce distractions. This helps to greatly simplify life; however, we as parents must still be constantly on guard when it comes to electronic media, movies, and music. Sure, it would be much easier and more convenient to say, "But I want to trust my child or children." The fact is, as brain and developmental scientists have pointed out, that it is completely "natural" for children and youth to seek out things that will give their minds the most stimulation for the least amount of effort. Satan knows this all too well and is targeting them constantly with more and more entertainment options and alluring media content. But that is why they are "the children" and we are "the parents." Be a wise parent and do all you can to save the hearts, minds, and talents of your family!

Avoid starting the tradition of sleepovers while children are young. This will also simplify your life and greatly protect your children from danger. Both Elder Gene R. Cook and Brad Wilcox discuss this in their books. I've noticed this topic can be controversial with some people, but once again, be wise and prayerfully consider this, as these decisions can profoundly impact your children for the rest of their lives.

 Additional Resources:

"Clutter Be Gone! Cleaning Your House the Easy Way" by Don Aslett (I love all of his books! He is also a member of the church.)

"Raising Up a Family to the Lord" book & talk on cd’s by Gene R. Cook (Both excellent!)

"Raising Ourselves to the Bar" by Brad Wilcox

 

3. Use Self-Educating Curriculums:
   
   

It’s best to not do for others what they are able to do for themselves. If you will just carefully observe your children, you will know the difference. In the long run, constant "spoon feeding" of your children does more harm than good. It will take patience to train your child to be self-disciplined if this is how you’ve been running your home school (or perhaps if they've been in a more formal school setting), but it’s well worth the effort. While reading Robinson Curriculum reviews, I found a mother who said she would not have been able to make it work if she had not first read the book Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. (I haven't read this book in its entirety, just portions.) 

Elder David A. Bednar on Self-Education: Are you and I helping our children become agents who act and seek learning by study and by faith, or have we trained our children to wait to be taught and acted upon? Are we as parents primarily giving our children the equivalent of spiritual fish to eat, or are we consistently helping them to act, to learn for themselves, and to stand steadfast and immovable? Are we helping our children become anxiously engaged in asking, seeking, and knocking? (See 3 Nephi 14:7.) General Conference Report, April 2010

Now, before you get nervous and overwhelmed about training these qualities into your children, I would like to share my personal observations: When youth or children (or anyone, for that matter) have the Spirit with them, they want to learn and are highly motivated to work hard. This inspiration and drive comes from within their own hearts and minds. With home education, we are blessed with many more opportunities to help our children have the spirit with them through various means, including using our own examples during more hours in the day. I feel I could have done a far better job in training "study habits" with my two oldest children; however, they have both excelled in college. My oldest daughter just graduated with honors from LDS Business College, was given scholarship money, and was accepted into Brigham Young University (Provo) (update: and has received a FULL TUITION academic scholarship). My seventeen-year-old son is just finishing his first year of college with all A's as well. He won an apprenticeship with the Utah Festival of Opera recently and will likely have a full-ride scholarship to Utah State University (amazing story: see Agency Education: Success Stories!). But I will tell you, far more important than their more "worldly" achievements, both of these children have strong testimonies of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. All the credit goes to our Lord for their successes.

 

For younger children, use Primary Songs and LDS Scripture Readers to bring the spirit and start the day (and/or start/finish the day as an entire family!) (Book of Mormon Stories, LDS Online Store) These things are also available online at LDS.org. My children love to follow along there as someone reads. (Though this doesn't make up for the conversations and insights we have while reading out loud together.) We also just discovered this fun scripture story radio program for children which includes musical numbers. Here is a sample:  New Testament Stories: Episode 22 - Ch. 35-36 | The Good Samaritan, Jesus Tells Three Parables


We have used the computer phonics program Reading Horizons, which also helps them learn writing. http://www.readinghorizons.com/markets/elementary/k-3-supplement.aspx  (It's expensive, but it just about acts like a private tutor.)

 

We have mostly used the Math It game to drill the basic math facts. Then we just starting them in Teaching Textbooks 3rd grade level.

 

My older, independently reading children use Saxon Math, and they follow the Robinson classic booklist, http://www.hstreasures.com/rc/booklist.html, the TJed booklist, or any other book in our house they feel inspired to read. We have a big foam board where they can mark off the books they have read.

For many years we have loved to watch Brother Brent DeGraff from Liahona Academy teach history from a Latter-day Saint perspective. He is a great, inspiring, and effective teacher for young people, and my children have told me he's had a very large impact on their lives. You don't need to sign up for the accredited courses; you can just keep it relaxed and even watch the lessons as a family (we do this during our lunch hour most days). The general age to begin is 4th or 5th grade, but my oldest son was in 2nd or 3rd grade when he began watching, and he loved it! Classes run on a school-year type of schedule but only four days per week.

4. Outside Activities: Less is More: 
   
   

PRAY CAREFULLY before committing to ANY regular commitment or activity outside the home (other than standard church programs.) Once your children turn twelve, they will have many extra church youth activities to attend. Cherish your time with them prior to this! It will be gone fast!

You might be surprised by Heavenly Father's responses as you pray over these things. There have been various classes or things that I thought were great ideas, but after prayer, it became clear to me that Heavenly Father knew differently. If we will just finally be humble enough to realize that He can run our lives far better than we can, things will start to fall into place for us and we will find PEACE.

5. Know Your Personality's Strengths and Weaknesses
   & Work to Improve. We can all improve in this area! Study books like "The Color Code" by Taylor Hartman Ph.D. and "The Likeability Factor" by Tim Sanders, and work hard to make yourself a truly effective leader in your home. Then gently help your family do the same with their own personalities. 

Think of coach Lavell Edwards (BYU football and one of 14 children) or coach John Wooden (UCLA basketball), people who have had tremendous success with young people. [Interesting side note: A dear friend of mine who is the 11^th of 17 children also has a wonderful personality and is very balanced! She is currently homeschooling a young family of seven children and is an inspiration to many! See http://mommymita.blogspot.com/ for many more ideas with young children.]

Please NEVER say, "I can’t change." "That's just the way I am." Take the "Likeability-Factor" quiz while keeping your behavior around family in mind rather than friends or acquaintances, then get to work. (See the post "Personality Reality Check" on this site.)

6. You’ve Only Got One Body, Take Care of It:
   
   

Study the Word of Wisdom found in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants and do all in your power to live by its principles. Without your health, all of the above becomes much more difficult, if not impossible. My state of health has gradually yet dramatically improved since my first very difficult pregnancy, due to striving to eat nutritious and natural foods (well, most of the time!). My tenth pregnancy and delivery at 40 years old was one of my very best! My baby had a perfect TEN Apgar score immediately after his birth. I don't think I had ever seen that before with my other children. He was completely pink all the way down to the tips of his fingers and toes! BUT, I gave my body the nutrition it needed and was blessed with support and education from a nutrition- and supplement-minded chiropractor. It made all the difference for me and my family! If you're interested in the birth story, here is the link:

  Jason Thomas--born March 29, 2010

 

To see additional thoughts given in my talk at the LDSEHE Conference see post: A Joyful Mother of Many Children

Some helpful resources:


books by Dr. Joel Fuhrman

“Nourishing Traditions” by Sally Fallon

This is a lot of information, I know! I've decided I could easily write a book, as I am just getting started with this post!!! :)